Junk mail and nuisance calls

[OldBear]

We registered years ago with both the following preferences sites and it cut the junk mail and cold selling phone calls completely, it can take a few Months to become fully effective.

Mailing preference service: http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/

What the above cannot stop is the stuff that comes through with the post addressed to "the occupier", for example we started receiving letters from Sky right after BT pulled fibre cables into the area addressed to "the occupier" wanting us to sign up. We had 7 of the things in total. This type of junk is completely legal and impossible to control because it is not addressed to you personally, it's a marketing loophole.
The way to handle these is to put a label sticker over your address and write on it "Not known at this address" and under this write "Please stop sending junk mail to this address". Pop it back in the post, they get charged for mailing it back to them, needless to say we have had no more from Sky since. I have done this quite a few times now and it seems to have worked.

Most mail will have the Company's logo or return address on it and be instantly recognisable for what it is, however, do make sure you only send the junk back, councils for example often send important stuff addressed to "the occupier"

Telephone preference service: https://www.tpsonline.org.uk/

We used to get a fair few scam calls from abroad, there's not a lot you can do about those, the phone numbers they call from are generally untraceable.

The way I handle these clowns is let them go through their "we are from BT and your Internet will be cut off stuff due to illegal activity being detected from your IP address" or some other story about needing to check your security settings for you. Let them tell you about it in detail, ask them questions, if they ask you to download software, make out you are trying, get them to repeat the web site address (don't download anything) basically they are paying for the call. They'll think great, another mug. When you have had enough fun, you can say "OK, your assessment time is up, you have scored 1 out of a possible 10 for your scamming abilities, then if you feel inclined start laughing at them. This will not go down well at their end I assure you!

Since adopting the above and similar we have had no more of these nuisance calls, strange eh...

[Nessi]

any leaflet delivered by Royal Snail has a sender's address on it.

I just write on them not requesting a return to sender...

A point you did miss out though you can also contact royal mail and ask that they refrain from delivering any unaddressed mailings to your address.

I love the Junk mail that comes with a pre-paid envelope, I write across the mailing not requested, not wanted and not interested, and never will be, I then put everything in the pre-paid envelope ( including the envelope they sent it in ) and send the whole lot back.. That tends to give them the hint not to send any more of their crap to you

[OldBear]

I didn't know about the Royal Mail option, that's even more ammunition

When I was in my 20's and had my first flat, I sometimes filled the return envelopes up with all sorts of crap from other marketers and posted it back to them, I vaguely remember someone adding some used squeezed out teabags for good measure.....

[Nessi]

I didn't know about the Royal Mail option, that's even more ammunition

When I was in my 20's and had my first flat, I sometimes filled the return envelopes up with all sorts of crap from other marketers and posted it back to them, I vaguely remember someone adding some used squeezed out teabags for good measure.....

Well if they are so intent on sending us their unwanted crap.

Its only fair that we return the gesture and send them some of ours

[awbuggrit]

When they used to ask for the property owner, I'd tell them I'd fetch him/her, then bugger off for 15 minutes. Must admit OldBear's method is far superior tho'

[Nessi]

When they used to ask for the property owner, I'd tell them I'd fetch him/her, then bugger off for 15 minutes. Must admit OldBear's method is far superior tho'

Ha When they ask for the property owner, I say sorry mate I am not sure who that is I am just the burglar, you will need to phone back later but they will unlikely be in the mood for cold callers.
Either that or I tell them to contact the local council

[OldBear]

When they used to ask for the property owner, I'd tell them I'd fetch him/her, then bugger off for 15 minutes. Must admit OldBear's method is far superior tho'

Ha When they ask for the property owner, I say sorry mate I am not sure who that is I am just the burglar, you will need to phone back later but they will unlikely be in the mood for cold callers.
Either that or I tell them to contact the local council

Ring, ring, pickup phone and say hello? Caller: I'm calling fron BT about your blah, blah - Reply: never heard of it, bye, put phone down

[Forlorn Hope]

Had a “BT” call yesterday, had a problem understanding his accent so I got him to repeat everything he said, apparently my BT internet has a fault! apparently my BT internet has a fault!

Managed to play him for almost two minutes before he hung up on me. Didn’t actually get around to telling him that I don’t have BT internet!

The other regular call we get is “we are doing some blah blah in your postcode area”, I then ask them to tell me my postcode area and the caller normally goes back to the beginning of their script and repeats all their opening lines with me asking again for my postcode. When they fail to tell me my postcode I almost politely invite them to go away!

Got a surprise two weeks ago, the caller knew my postcode area and the name of my road! So I had a chat with a nice lady who wanted to spray the underside of my roof.

[Jon@Alderley]

I often tell them "I don't have a phone" on the phone

[OldBear]

I often tell them "I don't have a phone" on the phone

I really do like that approach, I wonder what their thought processes are at the other end of the phone, mind blown, disbelief

[Nessi]

I often tell them "I don't have a phone" on the phone

I really do like that approach, I wonder what their thought processes are at the other end of the phone, mind blown, disbelief

I used to do one on the scroungers when I was a smoker...
Alright mate have you got a spare fag,
"Sorry mate but I dont smoke"
But you have got a lit one in your hand.
"Oh sorry thats not mine its he spare one that came with my mates packet, I am just holing it for him as there was no room in his packet for it"
I have left a few of them scratching their heads

[Nessi]

The accident claims ones are funny but not had one for a while.

Hello sir, I hope you are having a good day.
"O yes its been great so far"
Thats good, I am calling to discuss the motor vehicle accident you was involved in
"O great I have been needing some help with that"
That's why I am calling today Sir, I am going to do everything I possibly can for you Sir.
"O Brilliant I think my day is getting even better"
That's Good Sir shall we get started and see what I can do for you today
"O Yes let's get started"
Right Sir I will to have to take some details and confirm the particulars of the accident..
"O so you are not actually going to help me then"
Yes Sir I am going to do everything I can for you Sir
"O right ok, after the accident I have totally lost my memory, I can't even remember what my name is, when can I come for my therapy appointment to retrain my memory"
Long pause........ Can I take your name Sir?
"Urm I can't remember my name, can you tell me what my name is?"
Long Pause....... You cant tell e what your name is
"Urm no I can't remember"
Long Pause......... Deeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr
O well, he was helpful, now he has gone I can't remember an accident because I was not bleeding in one.



Then you get them BT ones (Think it stands for Bangladesh Twats or something like that)
Hello sir, I am calling from BT because you have a problem with your internet.
"O Do I?, I have not noticed anything wrong"
Yes Sir your internet has security issues and is at risk from hackers
"O No that has got me very worried now"
Dont be worried Sir I a going to fix this for you free of charge.
"how are you going to do that when you are not here"
I am going to do it over the internet for you Sir
"What can you do that"
Yes Sir I am going to give you some instructions over the internet is that ok
"I will try but I am not very good at following instructions I an a bit thick"
Thats ok Sir I will help and tell you what to do ok
"Ok I will try"
Right sir open a new browser and type this then press enter (gives me the address of a remote access program)
I tap some keys so he thinks I am entering the address in the browser "I have done that but all I have on the screen is 502 bad gateway is that the security issue you are helping me with?."
Yes sir, Now close that browser and reopen a new one.
"Ok I have done that"
Now type this ???...........??? into the search again and press enter
"Ok done it and got the 502 bad gateway again, I am getting really worried now"
It looks like you have another problem sir, can you restart your computer?
"yes but it takes a while to get going again"
Thats ok Sir I will wait
"Ok I will restart it now"
Just let me know when you have restarted and got logged back on Sir,
A good 5 minutes later "right thats me logged on again"
Now open your browser and type in the ???...........??? again
"You are not going to believe this but I have got 502 bad gateway again, but I think I know what I have been doing wrong I keep typing a comma instead of dots"
Type in again but use dots not commas.
"Ok but it would help if you talk slower as you are hard to understand, and you keep getting faster and faster every time I get something wrong, that will just make me do more things wrong"
"right that a screen with 2 boxes now"
Right Sir type in this username in the top box
"you will have to repeat that but talk much slower"
He repeats again as I bang some random keys
"right that is done"
Right sir type this on the bottom box (he is speaking very slowly lol)
Now press enter
"done that but its failed to connect username or password is incorrect"
So after a couple more failed attempts lol
"Oh it looks like its doing something this time as it has not give me the incorrect message again"
I listen to him desperately trying to pick up the connection at his end
He comes back what is on your screen now Sir.
"It must be connecting as the blue circle is spinning around in the middle of the screen"
Right Sir tell me as soon as it stops spinning
"That's it stopped and its come up connection failed to contact your service provider"
Let's try again sir.
"Its pointless we are getting nowhere, you will have to book an engineer to come out"
I cant book an engineer Sir, I can only fix this online

That is because you are not from BT you are an arsehole scammer, I have enjoyed wasting your time and stopping you from scamming someone else.

[awbuggrit]

Beautiful! Perhaps if we all did this......hm?

[OldBear]

Beautiful! Perhaps if we all did this......hm?

To me it's no different to cold calling either on the doorstep or over the phone. I sent a post code lottery red letter back yesterday using my unknown at this address technique

[awbuggrit]

Got to admit, not answering the phone unless it's on our caller ID has reduced a torrent of calls to barely a trickle.