Scottish soldier.

[Roger]

A Scottish soldier in full dress uniform marched into a chemist shop.

Very carefully he opened his sporran and pulled out a neatly folded cotton bandana and unfolded it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolded, to reveal a condom with a number of patches on it.

The chemist held it up and eyed it critically.

"How much to repair it?' the Scot asked.

"Six pence," said the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"
asked the Scot.

"Ten pence," said the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folded the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaced it carefully in his sporran and marched out the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist heard a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marched back into the chemists, this time with a grin on his face.

“The regiment has taken a vote," he said. "We'll have a new one."

[Nessi]

A Scottish soldier in full dress uniform marched into a chemist shop.

Very carefully he opened his sporran and pulled out a neatly folded cotton bandana and unfolded it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolded, to reveal a condom with a number of patches on it.

The chemist held it up and eyed it critically.

"How much to repair it?' the Scot asked.

"Six pence," said the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"
asked the Scot.

"Ten pence," said the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folded the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaced it carefully in his sporran and marched out the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist heard a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marched back into the chemists, this time with a grin on his face.

“The regiment has taken a vote," he said. "We'll have a new one."

Next Day..
The used condom was found in the grounds of he local convent

The mother superior summoned the 2000 resident Nuns to the courtyard
Once she had the 2000 Nuns filed in order..

The mother Superior held up the used condom and said ths was found in our grounds this morning
1999 nuns went Urrgh and 1 nun went hehehe

Then the mother superior proceeded to announce that the trouble is...
the used condom has a hole in it.
1999 nuns went HeHeHe and 1 nun went Urrgh

[awbuggrit]

Condoms are inherently unsafe. A mate of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.

[awbuggrit]

Why did the Irishman wear 2 condoms? To be sure to be sure.

[Nessi]

Why did the Irishman wear 2 condoms? To be sure to be sure.

Paddy said to Mick
You cant be sure to be sure
You need 3 Mick
To be sure to be sure to be sure.
What makes you say that Paddy says Mick
Well Mick I tried the double skins
but both failed and Mary is now having twins.
Twins Paddy Twins do you do it twice Mick
No paddy just the once the night they both failed.
Well Mick you cant be having that now.
Have you asked Mary who the father to the 2nd one is.

[awbuggrit]

"How much for a packet of your wonkys?" "£3 plus tax." "Bloody hell, I thought they rolled on!"

[awbuggrit]

The boss was giving his secretary a good rattling up in the office penthouse. After it was over he tied a knot in the rubber and threw it out of the window. "Just as a matter of interest, if I do get pregnant, what would we call the baby?" "If it gets out of that bloody Houdini!"

[OldBear]

Why do I put a condom on my debit card?
Protection from filthy slots.

Condoms are not always safe!
You can still be shot by her husband.

[awbuggrit]

Here's one for our more mature members: Man enters a chemist and enquires if jubber ronnys come any smaller than standard as his willy is rather on the small size. "I'd best take a look", says the assistant. When he sees the size he suggests that he nip round to the cyclists' shop. "Whatever for?" the poor bloke enquires. "They sell valve rubbers!" came the reply.

[Roger]

Here's one for our more mature members: Man enters a chemist and enquires if jubber ronnys come any smaller than standard as his willy is rather on the small size. "I'd best take a look", says the assistant. When he sees the size he suggests that he nip round to the cyclists' shop. "Whatever for?" the poor bloke enquires. "They sell valve rubbers!" came the reply.

The old jokes are the best.

[awbuggrit]

You'll like this one, not a lot, but you'll like it. Twins in the womb: "Must be raining outside." "What makes you think that?" "Dickie's coming up the entry with his pakamack on!" I'll get me pakamack.........